UOK Top 10 Positional Rankings: Chinese Buffet

College football and the NFL Draft

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CHICKEN
  • Sesame
  • General Tso
  • Sweet & Sour
  • Orange
  • Pepper
  • Pineapple
  • Skewered
SIDES
  • Crab Rangoon
  • Lo Mein
  • Fried Rice
  • Spring Rolls
  • Sushi
  • Green Beans
  • Questionable Macaroni & Cheese
DESSERT
  • Ice Cream
  • Strange yellow pudding type goop
  • Brownie? Is that a brownie? Whatever, I'll try it
  • Sheet cake, I think?
  • Chocolate Pudding, but something is off about the texture
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Rusty Trombagent
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sesame chicken is the "arm strength" of qb ratings. how you can continue to overvalue it is beyond me. general tso is a first ballet hall of famer.
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RustyTrubisky wrote:sesame chicken is the "arm strength" of qb ratings. how you can continue to overvalue it is beyond me. general tso is a first ballet hall of famer.
General TSO is like the 40, my friend. It's a classic that everybody looks forward to, but Sesame? Now we're talking real intangibles.
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Sweet n Sour deserves to be higher on this list and Crab Rangoon is a bust.

Where did you get your Chinese buffet draft credentials, anyway? Hack.
KFFL refugee.

dplank wrote:I agree with Rich here
RichH55 wrote: Dplank is correct
:shocked:
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Rusty Trombagent
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AHHH I'M SO FUCKIN MAD ONLINE RIGHT NOW

CHICKEN

1. General Tso
2. Sweet & Sour
3. Orange
4. Pineapple
5. Sesame
6. Chicken and mushrooms
7. Pepper


Sesame only ranks because it has a nominally recognizable flavor. After that everything blends together and Mushroom ranks only because they have recognizable texture.
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Atkins&Rebel
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Honey Chicken isn't even on the list? Don't you watch tape?
Just because Honey Chicken didn't do well on his pro day, doesn't mean he deserves that kind of treatment!
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I take no list seriously that is missing teriyaki chicken and has sushi barely ranked,
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wab wrote:I take no list seriously that is missing teriyaki chicken and has sushi barely ranked,
Teriyaki chicken is not always available at any typical Chinese buffet I've been to. Sushi is ranked so low because we're talking about Chinese Buffet quality sushi that has been sitting out for an hour or two and is of questionable quality.
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UOK wrote:
wab wrote:I take no list seriously that is missing teriyaki chicken and has sushi barely ranked,
Teriyaki chicken is not always available at any typical Chinese buffet I've been to. Sushi is ranked so low because we're talking about Chinese Buffet quality sushi that has been sitting out for an hour or two and is of questionable quality.
True his Cousin Japanese Sushi will declare next year, and be the number one overall selection. Though I am not a fan. I always feel unfulfilled after watching his tape.

Fried rice is clearly the best side, I don't think it's debatable.
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UOK wrote:
wab wrote:I take no list seriously that is missing teriyaki chicken and has sushi barely ranked,
Teriyaki chicken is not always available at any typical Chinese buffet I've been to. Sushi is ranked so low because we're talking about Chinese Buffet quality sushi that has been sitting out for an hour or two and is of questionable quality.
valid points. i retract my statesmen.
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Oh man, glaring omission from these rankings are those chinese donuts.

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literally the only desert worth drafting, in the 6th round like an exceptional punter prospect.
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I prefer Thai food, but the real thing not the poor imitation we get in the United States
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staleystarch wrote:I prefer Thai food, but the real thing not the poor imitation we get in the United States
Nice part of living in Champaign/Urbana is that the Asian cuisine around here is stellar. Bangkok Thai in Urbana has the best pad thai I've ever had.
RustyTrubisky wrote:Oh man, glaring omission from these rankings are those chinese donuts.

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literally the only desert worth drafting, in the 6th round like an exceptional punter prospect.

Ugh, I have totally dropped the ball here. My failure.
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Clearly salt and pepper ribs are the Mason Rudolph of these rankings.
"I wouldn't take him for a conditional 7th. His next contract will pay him more than he could possibly contribute.".

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i honestly dont think i've ever even seen ribs at a chinese buffet. what kind of hoity-toity buffets are you patronizing?
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RustyTrubisky wrote:i honestly dont think i've ever even seen ribs at a chinese buffet. what kind of hoity-toity buffets are you patronizing?
Either London is blessed with good ones or I'm getting mixed up with the all you can eat (for free) I get from the Chinese takeaway my parents part own.

Let's pretend it was the former, it could be true.
"I wouldn't take him for a conditional 7th. His next contract will pay him more than he could possibly contribute.".

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where's the beef?

if you're going to a Chinese Buffet that can't produce a nicely spiced Szechuan Beef as a buffet option, then you're going to the wrong place


RustyTrubisky wrote:Oh man, glaring omission from these rankings are those chinese donuts.

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literally the only desert worth drafting, in the 6th round like an exceptional punter prospect.
oh yes :thumbsup:
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I love that this thread has more replies than wab's offensive and defensive rankings :lol:
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G08 wrote:I love that this thread has more replies than wab's offensive and defensive rankings :lol:
I see where I stand.
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wab wrote:
G08 wrote:I love that this thread has more replies than wab's offensive and defensive rankings :lol:
I see where I stand.
It's the literal butthole of the NFL offseason. We are about 2-3 weeks away from Free Agency catching fire and the combine will be upon us soon.

This stupid post is only gaining traction because Chinese take out and buffet is goddamn delicious.
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So what is everyone's go-to on Chinese takeout?

I tend to get fried dumplings, lo mein and hot & sour soup. My wife gets seseme chicken, an egg roll and fried rice and we usually end up sharing some portions.
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I ain’t even mad. I love Chinese food.
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wab wrote:I ain’t even mad. I love Chinese food.
We love ya buddy
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UOK wrote:
wab wrote:
G08 wrote:I love that this thread has more replies than wab's offensive and defensive rankings :lol:
I see where I stand.
It's the literal butthole of the NFL offseason. We are about 2-3 weeks away from Free Agency catching fire and the combine will be upon us soon.

This stupid post is only gaining traction because Chinese take out and buffet is goddamn delicious.
Is that chicken fried butthole?
"I wouldn't take him for a conditional 7th. His next contract will pay him more than he could possibly contribute.".

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malk wrote:
UOK wrote:
wab wrote:
G08 wrote:I love that this thread has more replies than wab's offensive and defensive rankings :lol:
I see where I stand.
It's the literal butthole of the NFL offseason. We are about 2-3 weeks away from Free Agency catching fire and the combine will be upon us soon.

This stupid post is only gaining traction because Chinese take out and buffet is goddamn delicious.
Is that chicken fried butthole?
chicken fried butthole?!?!?

AGAIN WHAT KIND OF HOITY TOITY BUFFETS ARE YOU PATRONIZING?!??!
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RustyTrubisky wrote:
malk wrote:
UOK wrote:
wab wrote:
G08 wrote:I love that this thread has more replies than wab's offensive and defensive rankings :lol:
I see where I stand.
It's the literal butthole of the NFL offseason. We are about 2-3 weeks away from Free Agency catching fire and the combine will be upon us soon.

This stupid post is only gaining traction because Chinese take out and buffet is goddamn delicious.
Is that chicken fried butthole?
chicken fried butthole?!?!?

AGAIN WHAT KIND OF HOITY TOITY BUFFETS ARE YOU PATRONIZING?!??!
The toity is the best bit of the chicken. I tend to go for mild rather than hoity though.

Incidentally, I did a work trip to China years ago, a bunch of random industrial cities. Man there was some weird shit there, I'd list it but I just ate it, no idea what it was called.
"I wouldn't take him for a conditional 7th. His next contract will pay him more than he could possibly contribute.".

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Atkins&Rebel wrote:So what is everyone's go-to on Chinese takeout?

I tend to get fried dumplings, lo mein and hot & sour soup. My wife gets seseme chicken, an egg roll and fried rice and we usually end up sharing some portions.
I still can't get into a groove with Chinese food. I love fried rice with either chicken, beef or shrimp, but all those carbs with the rice can't be good.

So then there's the meat thing in the container, 75% of which is vegetables and sauce. I like mongolian beef and a few of the chicken things.

If I want leftovers for the following day I'll get some sort of fried rice with meat thing and make two or three meals out of it. Otherwise its General Tsao's chicken or mongolian beef.

I do always get an egg roll. Always.

And no matter how much I ask them over the phone, they never put enough hot mustard packets in the bag.
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Never liked egg rolls, never. Spring rolls I'll do in a heartbeat, but egg rolls? No.
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Atkins&Rebel wrote:So what is everyone's go-to on Chinese takeout?
spring roll, steamed dumplings, szechuan beef (extra spicy) and fried rice
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."
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Best asian takeout/delivery in Chicago - Jess' Cafe

Green Curry Fried Rice
Beef Satay with Udon
Crab Rangoon
Egg Rolls



And now you know why I was fat as fuck when I lived in Chicago.
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