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PostPosted: Thu Mar 30, 2017 3:32 pm 
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I have thought about starting a thread like this for a while. Basically a thread to tell about something that happens, or happened, to you that others would laugh at.

My first story will be an example of something that just happened minutes ago, but is all to frequent for me and many men. Its not an amazing story, but the one I wanted to start with is cumbersome right now.

My mother in law, in fact my wife's entire family, and I do not exactly see eye to eye. We come from different worlds. Today my mother in law comes over. Its mid day. She says, "Oh I thought you would be sleeping." (I work 11pm-7am) I explain that today is my day off but I am tired from working the previous night. She states, "Well I brought over two pastries I didn't think you would be awake." The said pastries are ear marked for my wife and her. I said verbatim, "Oh thanks for the thought but I would have declined if you did."

A very short time later (minutes), I am again proposed with the "if I knew you where awake I would have brought you one statement". I stated verbatim, "I would not have wanted one, but I appreciate the thought."

The mother in law retreats to the kitchen, and reappears with two forks, for their fluffy flaky cream filled pastries. I begin to look at BFO threads and scratch myself in the adjacent room.

I return to the living room after a brief masculine scratch. The wife and mother in law are sitting down. The mother in law says, "Well I could cut them in to thirds, so you could have some." Bewildered my response, "I don't know how more clearly I could state this....I wouldn't want one, and I don't want one. I do continue to appreciate the thoughts, but I do not want nor have I asked for any."

Of course this instigates the wife into bitching at me for treating her mother like a child. This of course destroys our chances of having a good night together.

So not only did I not get a fluffy pastry that I did not want, my mother in law basically cock blocked me on my day off. She seems dumb, but is an evil genius.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 30, 2017 3:53 pm 
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The girl I'm dating is totally awesome, but her family is utter drama. I've never met them, but we're getting to that point, and I'm anticipating years of dealing with their bullshit.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 30, 2017 4:12 pm 
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Location: Armpit of IL.
This falls under the dumb category.

A buddy of mine had a shed out in his backyard that sat behind their garage. It was about 15 feet long and 8 feet wide. We would "camp" out in the shed a few times a summer. We would have older brothers/older friends buy us beer. We were all 14-16 years old.

We would venture out of the shed when it got dark to wreak havoc. We would go to "The Bowl." The "Bowl" was the local DIII college football field that sat sunken into the ground. Bascially the field was surrounded by a hill. We would start smoking weed in one corner and pass the joint in hopes of smoking until we completed a lap around the field. It never happened.

So drunk and high we scoured thru the neighborhood. We came upon a church and realized the side door was open. About 6-7 of us entered the church and made our way to the kitchen. Their we found a Tupperware container of ham salad sandwiches, a case of Pepsi (of course glass bottles back in the day) and hundreds of envelopes of Koo Aid. Yea, we took it all, friggin stole from a church to satisfy the munchies :evilgrin:

Still bothers me a little to this day that I took part. Hell, I even confessed this during a confession once, not in detail but still confessed :(


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 30, 2017 6:10 pm 
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One would think that was devine intervention. Ham sammys and Koolaid just sitting there as hungry parishioners wandered passed his Holy Temple.

UOK it sucks. Its hard to deal with in laws.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 30, 2017 8:38 pm 
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I have been lucky as hell with my in-laws (ma and pa anyway). They are the greatest. Can't complain at all about them. Unfortunately my mother-in-law is in bad shape at the moment. She was diagnosed with inoperable liver cancer in November. She has fought hard but her battle is nearly over. We are hoping for her sake she will pass peacefully soon in her own bed. She will be missed.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 30, 2017 10:06 pm 
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oh shit i have an award winning story that's going to take me forever to type up.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 9:13 am 
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Tails From the Jail

Background. This guy has been in the jail a few times, he is not crazy, but an asshole especially when drunk. He was drunk during this incident. We will call him Carl.

Carl came to jail hammered, arrested for beating his wife, and has a few other charges. Carl was being a belligerent asshole, threatening to kick my ass, and because of his unstable behavior went to segregation. Carl begins demanding to use the phone. Carl knows there is no phone in segregation, because inmates would destroy them. Carl's been in this situation before.

Carl not getting to do, what ever fuck Carl wants to do, decides to strip naked in his cell. For some reason this behavior is more common then one would think. Carl decides to begin screaming that he is suicidal. Remember Carl has been here before. Carl knows suicidal ideation means Carl will need to have all ligature making fabric removed from his cell, and replaced with a fabric that doesn't tear easy.

I rengage Carl in discussions to get his clothing and linens in exchange for his new suicide prevention garb. Carl is not having it. Carl insists I let him go so he can rape my wife. Negotiations have failed. I begin to explain to Carl that I will be forced to enter his cell to retrieve the items. Carl is fixated on raping my family.

Now picture yourself, taking a hammer and driving in a nail. Carl grabs himself, at the base. He slams the tip of his privates against the steel sink. He repeats this many times with force equivalent to driving in a nail. I think to myself, "huh this went a weird direction". Carl continues this behavior, while yelling obscenities about rape and his death.

Eventually me and a couple others grab Carl and toss him into another cell away from the fabric. Carl in his new living quarters, refusing to wear the suicide covering, places his privates on the sink again. This time he begins hammer fisting his tenders. Like hard. Contact with Carl was ended.

I have seen some shit, but that one turned my stomach. It didn't seem real to use that much force on your own equipment.


Last edited by mmmc_35 on Fri Mar 31, 2017 12:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 9:34 am 
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That's really fucked up, but people can be fucked up, so it doesn't shock me.

Edit: If you want to be immediately desensitized to the world, read about Ian Watkins' trial. It is so awful in so many ways.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 10:19 am 
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carl reminded me alot of the georgia vs allen transcript that's been floating around for awhile, and was lovingly redered by the rick and morty guys. until the self harm stuff, anyway.

phpBB [video]


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:15 am 
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In college, a guy that lived in my dorm (we'll call him Fred), was one of the few people who could intimidate me if he wanted to. He only stood 6-1 maybe 6-2, but the guy never realized his physical potential by working out. The guy had such natural strength that it was scary. He used to win drinks by bending quarters between his thumb and index finger. (that's how I met him officially...always nodded hi in the dorm, but out at the bar he bent a quarter and I challenged him to bend it back with just 1 hand...I won a shot from him...became good acquaintances). Fred was generally a nice guy but played rugby and got belligerent as could be after a loss when the team went out drinking.

So Fred had a game on a Friday, lost, went out and drank an I guess started some stuff with "a group of guys" but not much happened other than some pushing and a lot of talk.

So the next evening a few of us were going out to dinner as Fred was heading out to "breakfast" so he tagged along and told us what he could remember of the game and the night before. Turns out the group of guys were from the less than reputable frat houses. Bunch of scum bags (rape allegations against them every year I was there). We all decided to go out for a low key night of drinks and darts since the place was close enough to walk to. Fred tells us he'll meet us there.

So we're walking up to the place and Fred is hanging out in front and just as he turns to say hi, a guy runs up with a baseball bat, winds up and cracks him in the back of the head. Trouble is Fred didn't go down.

All he does is turn and go "what the Fuck! You just hit me! You just hit me with a baseball bat!" Each word is getting louder as he talks...assuming Fred is getting pissed.

The attacker, obviously not being the brightest guy in the world, after a little shock of seeing his blind sided target just turn and yell at him, tries to hit him again with the bat. Fred catches the bat and rips it out of the guy's hands. With a face turning purple Fred yells something about sticking the bat up this guys anus and using him for batting practice and nimrod finally decides its a good time to beat feet.

Fred gives chase for a few steps before he just smashes the bat 1-2-3 times into the sidewalk before it snaps. He turns around tosses it into a trash can stalks into the bar and yelling at us "lets get those drinks!"

Same guy reportedly had 3-5??? linemen from the football team trying to goad him into a fight calling him a pussy rugby player and all sorts of things before he grabbed one of them by the neck whipped him around like a rag doll and yelled in his face "I don't want to fight, can't you understand that!" Football guys just went away after that...

Fred epitomized the guy that you never wanted to get angry. There are other stories about him, but those are the 2 I believe. One because I was there, the other because I knew the bar tender pretty good who told me.

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