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PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2017 11:04 am 
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mmmc_35 wrote:
Cat Food
She said I wouldn't have to do anything, she loved the dog so much. She would walk her, feed her, train her, etc. Obviously that was a lie. So I have had to fix some of the deficiencies. I finally got her house broke and working on basic commands. I feed the dogs, had to clean most of her shits, and basically I am the main care giver.

Recently my wife bought a giant bag of cat food. She opened it and placed it on the floor in our back room. I caught the pup eating out of the cat food bag, and placed the bag in a cabinet. I explained to my wife the "New Cat Food SOP". She said she understood. My wife broke the SOP consistently. I continued to try and train my wife on the cat food SOP. The wife did not respond well to training.


This is an oft-familiar tale. People like the *idea* of pets:

- CUTE
- FLUFFY
- FRIENDLY
- HAPPY
- THEY LOVE ME ALWAYS, YAY
- SO SO CUUUUUUTE
- SOCIAL MEDIA PICS = INSTANT VALIDATION OF MY EXISTENCE VIA LIKES

Then they get the pet, and it's like some shocking revelation that this is a living, breathing thing that requires diligence, patience, discipline, and training just to get to the point where it won't routinely shart and dribble its bodily waste in and across your home.

wab wrote:
My wife is an absolute slob. That is all.

G08 wrote:
My wife used to be but I've become more of a zero tolerance dude as I've gotten older... she's gotten the hint :lol:



Need more info about what a "slob" is. Are we talking typical lady mess:

- Destroying/covering bathroom in makeup/beauty/feminine hygiene products
- Leaving fucking laundry EVERYWHERE and never doing laundry for weeks on end seemingly
- Shoes! Thousands of fucking shoes! And they're EVERYWHERE
- Various hair accoutrements showing up on bedside tables, in blankets, couch cushions
- Using all the fucking towels

Or typical slob stuff:

- Dishes: Not scraping, not loading, not emptying, and overusing
- Trash: Overstuffing the trash can full of stuff instead of taking it out
- Sink: Treating the garbage disposal like it's an industrial shredder, routinely clogging plumbing & wrecking your GD
- General neglect and no desire to clean or dust anything in the house at any time

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2017 11:13 am 
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UOK wrote:
This is an oft-familiar tale. People like the *idea* of pets:

- CUTE
- FLUFFY
- FRIENDLY
- HAPPY
- THEY LOVE ME ALWAYS, YAY
- SO SO CUUUUUUTE
- SOCIAL MEDIA PICS = INSTANT VALIDATION OF MY EXISTENCE VIA LIKES

Then they get the pet, and it's like some shocking revelation that this is a living, breathing thing that requires diligence, patience, discipline, and training just to get to the point where it won't routinely shart and dribble its bodily waste in and across your home.


yeah, and you can usually tell right away the personality type. When a friend tells you "i'm going to get a dog" and you're like, ok, well, good luck with the rest of your life. i looooovvvveeeee dogs, but god do i hate poorly behaved dogs.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2017 11:27 am 
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Quote:
Need more info about what a "slob" is. Are we talking typical lady mess:

- Destroying/covering bathroom in makeup/beauty/feminine hygiene products
- Leaving fucking laundry EVERYWHERE and never doing laundry for weeks on end seemingly
- Shoes! Thousands of fucking shoes! And they're EVERYWHERE
- Various hair accoutrements showing up on bedside tables, in blankets, couch cushions
- Using all the fucking towels

Or typical slob stuff:

- Dishes: Not scraping, not loading, not emptying, and overusing
- Trash: Overstuffing the trash can full of stuff instead of taking it out
- Sink: Treating the garbage disposal like it's an industrial shredder, routinely clogging plumbing & wrecking your GD
- General neglect and no desire to clean or dust anything in the house at any time

All of the above. And leaving her PJ's on the bathroom floor...and when I thrown them in the hamper I get "I was gonna wear those again tonight!".


She grew up in a very affluent house. Her dad was an Air Force General and was gone pretty much all the time, so she had a nanny and a housekeeper...and she never learned how to to a single. god. damn. thing. for. herself.

The house looks like a homeless shelter but her car is fucking spotless at all times. "YOU LEFT A CHIPOTLE CUP IN THE CONSOLE OF MY CARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!"

Yeah, well you forgot to flush your 3ft long turd because you were busy facebooking on the can and forgot.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2017 11:41 am 
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wab wrote:
Yeah, well you forgot to flush your 3ft long turd because you were busy facebooking on the can and forgot.


wab please i'm begging you to stop, i can only get so erect


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2017 11:55 am 
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wab wrote:
Yeah, well you forgot to flush your 3ft long turd because you were busy facebooking on the can and forgot.


:rofl:

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PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 8:18 am 
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I found this funny today.

I am sitting down paying bills. Bills that I don't really understand. Bills that pretty much just irritate me. So I am paying my utility bill. After I submit the payment it always increases a few dollars. I have always figured it was taxes and fees, but never really looked at why.

Today it caught my eye, why final payment increases after I submit and accept it. I am charged $5 for a "convenience" fee. Yes its so convenient to give, the utility company, my money online. So convenient that I MUST PAY for the convenience.

Now I am not charged this fee when I bring them a check. I am not penalized for forcing them to staff a person to greet me, another to accept my check, and probably another to take my check to the bank. So I must question who the fuck is this actually a convenience for? It seems to me I should be given a credit, for not inconveniencing the utility company. Sending binary code through space to immediately give them my money seems much more efficient.

So luckily the utility company is on the way to and from my job. That's convenience. Luckily I can stop in and pay, in cash. That's convenience. Luckily they will not be able to charge me for that convenience. That's convenient. Luckily they will be forced to process the cash, and have change on hand, all which will cost them. That's inconvenient for them. This marks the first day in the Convenience War.


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PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 9:04 am 
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My mother-in-law has a heart of gold, but doesn't have a brain to go with it.

My wife and I celebrated our first anniversary back in September. The MIL brings over gifts for us. An umbrella and a 3 pack of flashlights. Then for Christmas, we were given a 2 pack of electric toothbrushes.

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PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 9:23 am 
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RING4CHI wrote:
My mother-in-law has a heart of gold, but doesn't have a brain to go with it.

My wife and I celebrated our first anniversary back in September. The MIL brings over gifts for us. An umbrella and a 3 pack of flashlights. Then for Christmas, we were given a 2 pack of electric toothbrushes.

That's nothing if not practical. My first Christmas gift from my ex MIL was a craftsman wrench. Not a set of craftsman wrenches...just one. One 9/16 wrench.

My first Christmas gift from my new MIL was an iPad.


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PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2017 2:42 pm 
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mmmc_35 wrote:
Cat Food

So for Christmas I got the wife and kids a puppy. She wanted another dog or a kid. I chose dog. She said I wouldn't have to do anything, she loved the dog so much. She would walk her, feed her, train her, etc. Obviously that was a lie. So I have had to fix some of the deficiencies. I finally got her house broke and working on basic commands. I feed the dogs, had to clean most of her shits, and basically I am the main care giver.

Recently my wife bought a giant bag of cat food. She opened it and placed it on the floor in our back room. I caught the pup eating out of the cat food bag, and placed the bag in a cabinet. I explained to my wife the "New Cat Food SOP". She said she understood. My wife broke the SOP consistently. I continued to try and train my wife on the cat food SOP. The wife did not respond well to training.

So a few nights ago I again found the cat food on the floor in the back room. The pup was gorging herself in fish shaped goodness. I moved the bag to its rightful storage location. That evening the pup had the worst flatulence one has ever witnessed. She could not stop passing gas. To the point the sound and length of the farts worried everyone, including the pup. The humans were forced to retreat to higher ground, abandoning the toxic puppy. The cat food clearly was not sitting well.

Then came the shit. Liquid feces lined 80 percent of the first floor. The home should have been condemned. Luckily I couldn't help clear I had to go to work. Finally karma strikes my wife. She is forced to clean her mistakes. It was foul. I grew up on a pig farm, and this made me nauseous.

Theb Icome home and the house still stunk, the wife woke and began recleaning. I went to bed laughing. When I woke I went downstairs to a clean home. While in transit I stopped and looked in the back room, to find the fucking cat food bag on the floor.




so, the unanswered question is, why did she buy cat food in the first place?

she did realize it was a puppy you brought home, not a kitten?

or did she think all pet food is the same (it isn't)?

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PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2017 2:45 pm 
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RustyTrubisky wrote:
oh shit i have an award winning story that's going to take me forever to type up.



we're still waiting ..... you tease

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