Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

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mmmc_35
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Thu May 11, 2017 3:17 pm

Boris13c wrote:
so, the unanswered question is, why did she buy cat food in the first place?

she did realize it was a puppy you brought home, not a kitten?

or did she think all pet food is the same (it isn't)?
No we have a cat. For some reason that dog though loves cat food, even though it fucks her up.
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Thu May 11, 2017 3:34 pm

mmmc_35 wrote:
Boris13c wrote:
so, the unanswered question is, why did she buy cat food in the first place?

she did realize it was a puppy you brought home, not a kitten?

or did she think all pet food is the same (it isn't)?
No we have a cat. For some reason that dog though loves cat food, even though it fucks her up.
ah

well, puppies will eat pretty much anything ... better keep him away from the cat's litter box
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Mon May 15, 2017 12:49 am

wab wrote:My wife is an absolute slob. That is all.
Mine were, too - and they all found a way to blame me for it.
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mmmc_35
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Wed Sep 12, 2018 2:00 am

I forgot about this thread and should have posted some amazing stories, that one day I maybe able to remember. However tonight I will regal you with something mediocre but in my opinion hilarious.

So the school year just started, and I have two 2nd graders and a 4th grader. Of course naturally my daughter gets sick on the second day with a 102° fever. I call the school in the morning and explain her absence. I was informed by the secretary, and then the principle, children require doctor's notes to be considered sick from school. I of course ask if they will allow me to send her to school with a fever. They state i can not due to their "feverish kids don't learn good" policy. So I explain that it's asinine to require a doctor's note for a common illness treated with 7up and chicken noodle soup. They explain that it is a new district policy and kids get 10 non doctor related absences.

So I contract the district administrator via email. I polietly explain that this new policy is rediculas, and not enforceable. What are they going to do, not teach children? I explained that to drive to the doctor, wait around sick people, and pay a doctor, for a 24 hour bug is dumb. So I state I will not adhere to this.

I am emailed by the administrator stating he would look into the matter. The guy who apparently signed off on this policy doesn't know about it? I find that odd

3 days later get a response. His response essentially states that they now require doctor's notes for sick days. That's the expectation. He did say he looked into this though and hoped it helped. Good job!

So I respond back

"Yes they are the same expectations I mentioned in my first email. The ones I will not follow if my kid has a normal sickness. If they are sick and do not require a doctor's attention, I will not go to the doctor. Just like when you are sick, I bet you don't go to the doctor every time. Why wouldn't you go? Perhaps because common illness can be treated with OTC meds, rest, and sometimes chicken noodle soup. You also may not go to the doctor for an illness because it costs money, you have to drive to visit other sick people, or if your very forward thinking it backs up The health care system. The issue here is common sense. Kids commonly get little"bugs" that do not require doctor intervention. Thanks though for looking into it. I appreciate all that you do. "

How fucking stupid and bureaucratic are we getting that you can't tell if your kid has a cold. I find it hilarious.
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malk
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Wed Sep 12, 2018 5:23 am

What happens if you just ignore it? I've got a couple of years before I need to deal with this shit but the current plan is just to ignore any of the bollocks and assume they're also too lazy (in a good, subversive way) to apply any sanction.
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mmmc_35
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Wed Sep 12, 2018 6:04 am

malk wrote:What happens if you just ignore it? I've got a couple of years before I need to deal with this shit but the current plan is just to ignore any of the bollocks and assume they're also too lazy (in a good, subversive way) to apply any sanction.
Oh that's what's going to happen. I am not doing shit. I just thought it was funny they thought they could require it. Fuck of f
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Wed Sep 12, 2018 6:37 am

mmmc_35 wrote:
malk wrote:What happens if you just ignore it? I've got a couple of years before I need to deal with this shit but the current plan is just to ignore any of the bollocks and assume they're also too lazy (in a good, subversive way) to apply any sanction.
Oh that's what's going to happen. I am not doing shit. I just thought it was funny they thought they could require it. Fuck of f
All policy starts with the voted in school board. An email to the school board reminding them they are voted in, can sometimes get assinine policy changed at the 'buck stops here' level. Otherwise you may have to run for the school board and get it changed yourself...
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wab
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Wed Sep 12, 2018 8:37 am

Our school has the same policy. I get it, that's why they give them a set amount of "non doctors note" days. But it's stupid. What's even more better though, is I can't call my kid into school sick any more. I just send them with a note the next day. There is no more absence line.
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mmmc_35
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Wed Sep 12, 2018 8:46 am

You actually go to the doctor?

I think I am going to make fun of it to this school board.
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wab
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Wed Sep 12, 2018 8:50 am

mmmc_35 wrote:You actually go to the doctor?
No, only if they need to go. But if they miss I have to send them with a handwritten note, from me. Like "hey, I know you noticed my kid gone yesterday, so here's a note from me saying my kid was gone yesterday".
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Wed Oct 24, 2018 3:08 am

So I use to think I wasn't as "redneck" as some people thought. I mean I got all my teeth, drive a shitty car and listen to science books. Sure I grew up on a farm, and had to kill more then one rodent (rabbits, squirrels, and raccoons count as rodents) whom entered my home as a kid. However this weekend I realized I might be. I am going to skip a lot of details.

My family has not served hard alcohol at family events for years. You see we commonly drink to fast, and have a bit too much of a fighter's spirit. Meaning we get hammered and someone gets into a fight.

Well someone this weekend at a wedding started handing out shots. Now my wife is a city girl. City people often don't realize when they are in danger. My mom is a 120lb savage. Sure she now owns a veryy respectable business, but she has thrown more hay bales and choke slammed enough men to say she isn't overly prissy.

Well naturally my wife got hammered and talked to much. My mom got hammered and didn't talk enough. My wife not realizing she was in danger got choke slammed by my mom. I was not there but the almost 60 year old made it look easy.

So the wife tells me the next day, "I can't believe that, it was crazy, all your childhood stories make sense. " I say yeah but it was just a scuffle no big deal. My wife disagrees adamantly. This is apparently her first partial whooping. I have tried to explain, politely, that it's normal. She will get over it, both parties where wrong. It happens. Of course the whole time playing the good husband roll. She looks away me and says, you are all fucking hillbillies, you can fight and get over it like it didn't happen. She of course can't and won't talk to my mom forever, even though it was her mouth that said some shit.

So I guess I am a bit more backwoods then I thought. This is why we don't drink hard alcohol at family events.
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Wed Oct 24, 2018 9:50 am

mmmc_35 wrote:So I use to think I wasn't as "redneck" as some people thought. I mean I got all my teeth, drive a shitty car and listen to science books. Sure I grew up on a farm, and had to kill more then one rodent (rabbits, squirrels, and raccoons count as rodents) whom entered my home as a kid. However this weekend I realized I might be. I am going to skip a lot of details.

My family has not served hard alcohol at family events for years. You see we commonly drink to fast, and have a bit too much of a fighter's spirit. Meaning we get hammered and someone gets into a fight.

Well someone this weekend at a wedding started handing out shots. Now my wife is a city girl. City people often don't realize when they are in danger. My mom is a 120lb savage. Sure she now owns a veryy respectable business, but she has thrown more hay bales and choke slammed enough men to say she isn't overly prissy.

Well naturally my wife got hammered and talked to much. My mom got hammered and didn't talk enough. My wife not realizing she was in danger got choke slammed by my mom. I was not there but the almost 60 year old made it look easy.

So the wife tells me the next day, "I can't believe that, it was crazy, all your childhood stories make sense. " I say yeah but it was just a scuffle no big deal. My wife disagrees adamantly. This is apparently her first partial whooping. I have tried to explain, politely, that it's normal. She will get over it, both parties where wrong. It happens. Of course the whole time playing the good husband roll. She looks away me and says, you are all fucking hillbillies, you can fight and get over it like it didn't happen. She of course can't and won't talk to my mom forever, even though it was her mouth that said some shit.

So I guess I am a bit more backwoods then I thought. This is why we don't drink hard alcohol at family events.
I get it. It wasn't Christmas until someone got shitfaced and shoved someone into the tree.
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Wed Oct 24, 2018 10:13 am

mmmc_35 wrote:So I use to think I wasn't as "redneck" as some people thought. I mean I got all my teeth, drive a shitty car and listen to science books. Sure I grew up on a farm, and had to kill more then one rodent (rabbits, squirrels, and raccoons count as rodents) whom entered my home as a kid. However this weekend I realized I might be. I am going to skip a lot of details.

My family has not served hard alcohol at family events for years. You see we commonly drink to fast, and have a bit too much of a fighter's spirit. Meaning we get hammered and someone gets into a fight.

Well someone this weekend at a wedding started handing out shots. Now my wife is a city girl. City people often don't realize when they are in danger. My mom is a 120lb savage. Sure she now owns a veryy respectable business, but she has thrown more hay bales and choke slammed enough men to say she isn't overly prissy.

Well naturally my wife got hammered and talked to much. My mom got hammered and didn't talk enough. My wife not realizing she was in danger got choke slammed by my mom. I was not there but the almost 60 year old made it look easy.

So the wife tells me the next day, "I can't believe that, it was crazy, all your childhood stories make sense. " I say yeah but it was just a scuffle no big deal. My wife disagrees adamantly. This is apparently her first partial whooping. I have tried to explain, politely, that it's normal. She will get over it, both parties where wrong. It happens. Of course the whole time playing the good husband roll. She looks away me and says, you are all fucking hillbillies, you can fight and get over it like it didn't happen. She of course can't and won't talk to my mom forever, even though it was her mouth that said some shit.

So I guess I am a bit more backwoods then I thought. This is why we don't drink hard alcohol at family events.
Be honest, mmmc... you wished like hell you were there to see it :lol:
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mmmc_35
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Wed Oct 24, 2018 12:24 pm

I am glad I didn't so I didn't get into any trouble and can be completely neutral. However tell yeah I wish I saw it. It has caused a ton of bull shit drama and according to my brothers it was epic. So i get all the negative with no payoff.
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malk
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Thu Oct 25, 2018 8:32 am

I want to hear more about how you listen to books? :P
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mmmc_35
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Thu Oct 25, 2018 9:54 pm

malk wrote:I want to hear more about how you listen to books? :P
Audible. Love it.
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Fri Oct 26, 2018 9:13 am

mmmc_35 wrote:
malk wrote:I want to hear more about how you listen to books? :P
Audible. Love it.

Can't quite get into Audible, but I've recently converted to a Kindle and it's pretty awesome. I still have a TON of actual book-books, but the digital medium is very nice. I thought it would be more jarring to use an e-reader but I actually dig it quite a bit.
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Fri Oct 26, 2018 10:10 am

UOK wrote:
mmmc_35 wrote:
malk wrote:I want to hear more about how you listen to books? :P
Audible. Love it.

Can't quite get into Audible, but I've recently converted to a Kindle and it's pretty awesome. I still have a TON of actual book-books, but the digital medium is very nice. I thought it would be more jarring to use an e-reader but I actually dig it quite a bit.
I use my phone as an ereader, nice having a big pile of books with me at all times. It's quite a big phone so there's no issue with size but it probably isn't great for the amount of blue light I get at night.

Haven't tried audiobooks, how long do they take to get through? I've pretty much got enough podcasts to fill my commute but a book once in a while would make a nice change, if it didn't take forever to get through.
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Fri Oct 26, 2018 10:50 am

Off the intellectual shit and off to dip shit.

This is just stupid. I am not a huge drinker, alcohol fucks with me big time (health wise).

At an Ugly Christmas Sweater Party last year. I was pissed at the Bears and was wearing the Ditka era Bears sweater.

I was hitting the hard liquor (Fireball, Peppermint schnapps, homemade apple pie moonshine) pretty hard along with some beers.

The party was in a garage. Toward the end of the night, for whatever reason, I tried to run through the garage door. Not only did a bounce off, about 10' backward, I fell out and did a header on to the drain in the floor. Not drunk that would have probably hurt like hell, drunk as shit, didn't feel it. I don't remember much of the night but everyone else does and they enjoyed my stupidity.
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Re: Your Personal Life Funny/Dumb/Crazy Stories

Sat Oct 27, 2018 4:12 am

Longest book was 26 hours, shortest 2.5. I drive in my squad with either books or podcasts. I even without too them. So it's a bit different.

Otis. If occasionally you don't test your masculinity vs an non defeatable object you will it. You tested yours enough for a couple years.

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